I’m trying so hard to make sense of my World.
This post may be an exercise in naval gazing. I make no apologies for that fact.
Definitely a deep, dark look at the way I now view the world.
There are plenty of opinions and advice given to us when we are bereaved:
You’ll get over it.
Time heals all sadness.
You’ll find someone else.
You’ve got to get on with things.
You should be better by now surely?
Making Sense
I’ve read quite a few books on the subject of loss and sadness and basically, I’m writing my own internal book for the last six years.
I try to follow some kind of weird and challenging plan. Feeling lost one minute, feeling confident and capable the next.
In olden days when people were widowed, they wore black clothes or black armbands to signify their loss. I believe that society took a view of their grief and let them get through it over time. Nowadays, everyone is so busy and caught up in their own lives and it’s hard to maintain family ties and friendships. So loneliness is a never ending companion. I can feel so alone in a room full of people.
Looking Outwards
My status in the world has changed. I tick the ‘Widow’ box in the Census. My mortgage is in sole name, I wear a mask of normality every day as I get out of bed to face the world. That is the side that everyone sees. Maybe that’s where we are at our most vulnerable. We feel deeply and sadly but we can’t always show it. Society can only deal with the happy face and often refuses to see the deep grief that is under the surface of anyone that is a member of www.widow.ie So to look deep inside ourselves and find no answers is a troublesome and scary prospect. I have found a few answers but many more questions. Knowing that I’m doing well doesn’t always cut the mustard. We can be our own worst enemies in relation to helping ourselves to survive.
Is There an answer?
Maybe not. Perhaps the only answer that we may find is that yes, we will survive but on a different basis and on a different life path.
I have written a lot of poetry over my lifetime and share a link to a recently published poem. I hope it show the depth of feelings that can surface inside any one of us.
Go to Spring 2016 Edition and see my poem Death…
